It was short, it was painful and now it's over

The last two days I was thinking a lot about what to do. I'm a Ragnarok Online player for 5 years now I think and still didn't see everything ingame. Well, after I came back from Japan I was happy that I could share my passion with my friends again. Just: my friends are gone. But not only them, also my fun. Maybe I left it back in Japan.


In Japan already, I started a new character, hoping that I might find parties more easy. I was wrong. It still was a pain in the ass. Though I have to admit, that some people (actually only 2) offered me help and I was really glad. But soon I learnt that I'm not playing RO anymore because I like it. I'm just playing it because I have nothing else to do. Yes, I decided to quit and only join for War of Emperium. I'm not going to tell anyone about this because they won't care anyways or they just will say: "oh why? just stay!" and I don't think they will understand my reasons.

I left my good friends back in Japan and it will take a while until I see them again. Talking with them using MSN is not the same and I'm not willed to stay 24/7 in front of the PC (though I would rather do that than nothing). I tried to find new things I could do but actually there is nothing here. Of course, I started sports again but I can't do sports all day long.

Though I didn't like Japan that much, I really liked my life there and I also miss it. I miss it a lot. And I miss that I always had something to do. I miss my Luis, I miss the weather, I miss the fact that I just could enter a train and go to a place where I can shop. I never was alone and now I am. And I finally understood that Ragnarok might entertain me but it can't and it will never replace my friends and what I had for almost one year.

The longer I sit here and the more time I have for doing nothing, the more I think about that I still have to wait that long to see Luis again. I'm counting the days and I'm always happy when one day passed. The freetime also reminds me of what to do next year after finishing my university because I don't know it yet. All I know is that I don't want it to be related to japanese and that's the worse point. Of course another thing is what's going to happen with my relationship. I'm afraid that it might go on like that - not seeing each other for months - because I'm almost sure I won't be able to stand it anymore. It almost kills me now already. I thought it might stop and get better because I have a goal now but actually it gets worser every day...